Sunday, 4 May 2014

The small miracle of Hannah

Today you are seven, and as Grandmas do, my mind drifts back to the beginning, ahead to the future and places in between.

The day we first heard that you were on the way, your Grandpa and I were feeling so many things. I remember him looking at me with a startled look, and saying, " I'm going to be a Grandpa!" He was happy about this, but it was kind of shocking. Our grandparents, and even our parents as grandparents, were old. We needed a bit of time to get used to the idea.

I got excited quickly. I bought a soft, white teddy bear, and I began painting and decorating one of the bedrooms for you. I had Uncle Ben bring down the cradle that your Mommy slept in and made new bedding for it. I repainted the toy box your great-grandpa made and painted for me, and restored the scenes he put on it. I bought the tiniest little pair of socks and hung them on the Christmas tree. "Grandma" still took some getting used to, but I couldn't wait to hold you.

I was at work when I heard you were on the way. Everything in me yearned to get to the hospital, but I had to finish my day. When I got home, I couldn't believe that Grandpa and Uncle Ben wanted dinner. Dinner at a time like this? I fed them and begged to be taken to the hospital. "Just drop me off, " I said. I guess I wasn't the only excited one, because they both stayed through the whole event. Grandpa wasn't well, but he had to be there. All of us were trying on our new roles, and finding they fit well.

I was so excited when Mommy asked me to stay when you were born. I was there when my children were born, but I was kind of busy, and didn't enjoy the event. When you entered the world, it was like the sun burst through the clouds, even though it was night. Joy. Pure joy.

Since then, we have had so many fun times. Grandpa only had a few months with you, but he was so proud to hold you and tell friends about you. When he had to leave, there were many days when holding you held me together.

I love the person you are. Your enthusiasm for life, your loving nature and the incredibly funny things you say. Oh Hannah, you are the funniest person I know. Also the funnest.

When I look ahead, sometimes I feel afraid. There are so many dragons out there, just waiting to devour you. There are so many ways in which you could get hurt. It's so easy to make mistakes and wrong decisions (I know, because I've done it myself so many times.)

So this is what I do. I pray. I pray for your Mommy and Daddy as they bring you up, because I know what a difficult job that is. I pray for you, and ask God to help you make the right decisions every day, and be the person He wants you to be. I pray you will know Him, and ask him to rule your heart and guide your life. I pray He will be your best friend.

And I pray for me, as well. Being a grandma is an awesome responsibility, and I want to do it right. I won't always be here, but the influence I have in your life, will. I pray I make a difference in you.

Happy birthday, my darling girl. Hugs.

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