I remember when my
children would ask where a certain treasure was—a picture they drew, a
one-armed clay figure they constructed, a half-eaten sucker from two weeks ago.
I would look puzzled and reply, “I’m not sure.” The full truth, which I will
confess decades later, is that I’d thrown it out. I didn’t know where it was.
That was true. I did know what had happened to it, but that wasn't the question they asked.
It’s not that I am
devoid of sentiment. I am as sentimental as they come, but I can’t stand
clutter. Sometimes I keep things for years and then decide it doesn’t have the
meaning for me that it once did, so I pitch it.
Before you judge me, let
me say I still have the ring bearer’s pillow my mother made for my wedding in
1977. I have a Christmas ornament she made from my wedding dress. I collected a
box of special items for each of my children. I treasure a teapot my daughter
decorated with my granddaughter’s baby handprints.
It’s all about meaning.
The items that have lasting meaning in my life, I treasure.
What happens when an
elder comes to a place where they must downsize, and downsize and downsize
again? What happens to the pictures, the treasures, the special items that must
be sifted through? How do you decide to keep one piece and discard another?
It’s a frustrating truth for those of us who work among elders needing care; they often want to bring too
much “stuff.” When people move to one room, it can be a heartbreaking decision
to figure out what to bring and what to discard. Years of memories and meaning
are packed into each item. How do you throw it out?
I once heard someone
speaking with disdain of the “bric-a-brac she never looks at” in a resident’s
room. The comment bothered me at the time, but I only lately realized why. That
bric-a-brac held invaluable meaning to the elder.
“Meaning is
the food and water that nourishes the human spirit. It strengthens us. The
counterfeits of meaning tempt us with hollow promises. In the end, they always
leave us empty and alone.” 1
This sixth principle of ten in the Eden
Alternative, challenges us to look at the “stuff” differently. True, not
everything can, or should, be brought to the new room. Decisions need to be
made, and some of them will be heartbreaking. Also, meaning is more about relationships than
things. The teapot with the handprints is only important because I remember
those tiny, baby hands and have a valuable relationship with the nine-year-old
she has become. Yet, because of the relationship, the teapot is invaluable.Here’s what I’ve learned:
·
What has no
value to you may mean the world to me.
·
If I want to
understand why something has meaning to you, I can ask. There’s probably an
amazing story there.
·
Whether I
understand or not, I need to treat the things that have value to you as
important.
With these
perspectives, there is no bric-a-brac.
1.
Eden Alternative Ten Principles. Principle Six. http://www.lifebridgehealth.org/Levindale/TenPrinciplesofEdenAlternativeG55.aspx
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Care Partner Wednesday--The Importance of Meaning to an Elderhttp://ctt.ec/7hP_U
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Care Partner Wednesday--The Importance of Meaning to an Elderhttp://ctt.ec/7hP_U
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