Thursday, 12 April 2012

The small miracle of trusting God

I'm a pretty flexible person. There's not a whole lot that's a deal breaker with me- I can go for chicken or fish or steak or a vegetarian dish. We can go out or stay in. I like a variety of movies I like to try new things. But there's one thing that can drive me crazy.

I hate loose ends.

I don't care it we do this or that- just tell me. When I know, I will make plans around whatever we are doing. If it changes, I will change my plans. I like to anticipate and organize.

But sometimes God doesn't tell me the plan. And it drives me nuts.

God has been walking with me around this mountain for many years. Every time I have a victory, and learn to trust Him and let go, I think, "Whoo Hoo- I've finally learned to trust!" And God smiles and says, "Let's try it again." During a recent year long journey, I gathered every verse I could find about trust, and posted them on my fridge. (After all, there is no place in my house I frequent more.) In the middle, I wrote the words that God spoke to me one Sunday in church as I cried out to Him.

Sometimes, I stand at the fridge and read. And read. And read.

Nahum 1:7 The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble.  He cares for those who trust in Him.
Psalm 9:10 Those who know your name, trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.
Psalm 27:8 The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and He helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise Him.
And my personal favourite: Psalm 56:3 When I am afraid, I put my trust in You. (I'm afraid a lot.)

Sometimes, I stand at the fridge and cry. And rant.

"Lord, I know You want me to trust, and I'm trying, but do You have any idea how hard this is? And how much it hurts? And how frustrated I am? (Protracted pause as I consider what I just said. Sigh...) Yes, I know You understand. You're God." Then I read more.

Psalm 25:2 I trust in You: do not let me be put to shame, not my enemies triumph over me.
Psalm 91:2 I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge, my God, in whom I trust.
Proverbs 3:5,6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding:
In all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.

Sometimes, I stand at the fridge and try to reason.

"Lord, I was just wondering if You had considered this possibility? Because if you did it this way, it would work out so perfectly. At least I think it would. Of course, I am me, and You are the Alpha and Omega, but I just thought I'd mention it..."

And God smiles, and draws my eye to the verse in larger font that He gave me when I started the journey into widowhood almost five years ago.

Jer. 29:11 'For I know the plans I have for you, " declares the Lord, "Plans for welfare and not calamity, to give you a future and a hope."

Welfare...future...hope.  Okay, Lord. I'm listening. Again.

Does anyone else struggle with trust?

1 comment:

  1. Ann, have you ever considered the possibility of becoming an inspirational speaker? I would be in the front row.